Super Jayhawk (super_jayhawk) wrote,
Super Jayhawk

Officially Pushing Forty

So here it is... my Birthday, August 21.

So to commemorate my annual ritual of getting even older (and my last year of being in my thirties) I present my collection of...

You know you're getting old when...

- Your back goes out more than you do.

- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

- Happy hour is a nap.

- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

- You find yourself starting a sentence with any of the following:

"When I was young..."
"Back in my day..."
"Kids these days..."
"When I was your age..."
"They played real music when I was a kid, not like that noise today!"
"I got record albums older than you, kid!"

- It takes twice as long to look half as good.

- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

- You realize that pretty much all of the athletes and Hollywood stars are younger than you.

- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car.

- You notice the older you get, the more pills you seem to have to take every morning

- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."

- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
("You think that's bad! I've got a pain in my shin I've had since '93!")

- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

- Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

- You look forward to a dull evening.

- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

- You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

- You get lectured to at your salad not from your mother, but from your doctor.

- Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.

- You can remember milkmen, gas station attendants that ran out when your car pulled up, trading stamps, or the TV taking five minutes to warm up.

- You Google the musicians, actors and celebrities that you watched when you were a kid and find out most of them died years ago.

- Children often innocently ask you, "What did people do before the Internet?" And you can't remember.

- When you get older, your willpower doesn't get stronger. Your urges just get weaker.

(Many of these borrowed from

Not so coincidentally, I was also born 106 years after the infamous Quantrill's Raid on Lawrence (future home of the Jayhawks), a major flashpoint in the intense Kansas-Missouri feud that still reverberates to this day, played out in the Jayhawks vs. the Tigers. (Also the reason the City Seal of Lawrence includes a phoenix rising from the ashes).
Tags: mid-life crisis pushing forty
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