So to commemorate my annual ritual of getting even older (and my last year of being in my thirties) I present my collection of...
You know you're getting old when...
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- You find yourself starting a sentence with any of the following:
"When I was young..."
"Back in my day..."
"Kids these days..."
"When I was your age..."
"They played real music when I was a kid, not like that noise today!"
"I got record albums older than you, kid!"
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
- You realize that pretty much all of the athletes and Hollywood stars are younger than you.
- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car.
- You notice the older you get, the more pills you seem to have to take every morning
- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
("You think that's bad! I've got a pain in my shin I've had since '93!")
- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.
- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
- You get lectured to at your salad not from your mother, but from your doctor.
- Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.
- You can remember milkmen, gas station attendants that ran out when your car pulled up, trading stamps, or the TV taking five minutes to warm up.
- You Google the musicians, actors and celebrities that you watched when you were a kid and find out most of them died years ago.
- Children often innocently ask you, "What did people do before the Internet?" And you can't remember.
- When you get older, your willpower doesn't get stronger. Your urges just get weaker.
(Many of these borrowed from http://www.c-boom.com/humor2.htm)
Not so coincidentally, I was also born 106 years after the infamous Quantrill's Raid on Lawrence (future home of the Jayhawks), a major flashpoint in the intense Kansas-Missouri feud that still reverberates to this day, played out in the Jayhawks vs. the Tigers. (Also the reason the City Seal of Lawrence includes a phoenix rising from the ashes).